I have been doing a lot of thinking these days. Even more than usual, and i, do actually think A LOT on a normal basis. It may even be bordering on thinking too much. Not quite sure if it is good or bad, but its keeping me alive and sane. But then again, it is also what's driving me up the walls sometimes.
I HATE CONFLICTING THOUGHTS.
But no matter how hard i try to sort them out, there is perpetually this balancing scale in my head that is never at equilibrium. I can literally see everything mapped out in my mind. Goodness knows how many of such meaningless, rambling, circling entries i have already made here...
The thing is. This space is getting boring. If i am actually not the owner of this blog i probably will not be popping by anymore...mmm. I have been trying to convince myself yes this blog is just serving as a looking glass into these times, in future. Fundamentally, that is its purpose (for me at least). However, I enjoy taking photos, traveling everywhere and writing. I love words. I love fashion. All of these are my passion. And, it is exactly so, that i would most welcome different comments or at least just people reading about them. Ultimately, I hope whatever i do is able to impact someone, anyone, positively.
I was so genuinely happy when Snail tweeted that she felt motivated after reading my stressed-out-SSP entry :) It meant that whatever i am/was doing actually had a constructive effect on somebody, and not just a self-oriented act. This means a heck lot to me.
The next 3 months this blog is probably going to turn into a ranting/dumping ground of frustration and stress and even more conflicting thoughts. But i will try my best to keep up with my passion, calling and other goals while having the A'level exams holding top priority. As much as I want to do well for the Big A's, and that means a lot of focusing and hard work, i choose not to leave this whole technological world~ it makes me feel alive...
In the process of trying to 'tone down' and be less 'emotive' ie dramatic, ie referring to posts where i either sound like a 9 year old kid in a candy store or high on drugs, (not that anyone is complaining at all, its all just me, myself -_-), which by the way, i have given up and accepted the fact that i live on ends of spectrums, I realise i am unable to not talk about/share my views. Ie a chatterbox hahahahahahaha. To offset the possibility that they may come off as imposing, I am actually very open to other opinions!! ^^ though am still learning to not be too quick to judge and definitely can be even more receptive. (Influence of my dad~~)
and that, revealed to me that we, human beings, are constantly learning and realising about ourselves as we grow... (i don't think about all these shit in primary school -.- i was caught up with hacking my classmates' Neopet accounts hehe)
I can't quite seem to write out my thoughts adequately and its eating me up inside :'(